i feel that all my friends just talk to me because they think that i dont have anyone else to talk to. Im no one's bestfriend or priority. I feel that ive tried my best in friendships but not even gotten half of my efforts
Every evening they ask 'how was college?' and I say 'good'. The truth is I haven't been to three of my lectures this week. I can't tell them. They're so proud of me. I don't know how to be a disappointment in their eyes, even just a little.
We were inseparable for four years. Then in October she just got quiet. I asked once if everything was okay. She said yes. I haven't asked since. I miss her so much I sometimes scroll through our old photos at 2am.
For 12 years I've been 'the smart one'. Now I'm in a place where everyone is the smart one. I got a 62 last week. I cried in the library bathroom. I don't know what's left of me if I take that identity away.
Weekdays I have class. Saturdays I can pretend I chose to stay in. But Sundays — Sundays the silence is loud. I scroll Instagram and everyone is brunching. I'm 20 and I don't know how to make plans without it feeling forced.